Philosopy

I am dog ass tired. I have been in the process of getting my permanent therapy license for almost a year now. I am not even half way there. Most people at my point can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but not me. I am feel like I am still waiting for the train to leave the station.

I have been looking for a part-time counseling position since I began this journey, but to no avail. It seems everyone that is hiring wants you to have the elusive LPC. Damnit to hell! I am going to have to step up my game now because I am drowning financially. When you get supervision free through your job it's wonderful, but when you have to pay for it, it sucks ass! It seems like this will never be over. I want to wallow in my pain for a bit. I might have to find a position as a counselor intern full-time doing something i don't want to do
just to get the supervision for free and get it over with sooner than later. The one possible bright spot is that if someone from another area quits by the end of the summer, I can ask to slide into that place. That way I will be able to do more and get done quicker. This is a remote possibility. Although someone in another area has stated that they want to quit, I doubt they will. Some people become complacent after some time and moving in a different direction is hard for them to do.

When I feel like I am drowning and there is no help in sight, I have a tendency to over eat. I turn to food to push down these feelings of surrender and hopelessness. I weight myself everyday (like an anorexic) to see how much I have gained. In the last few days I have seemed to have lost weight. My clothes are fitting looser and I feel better. This gradual process of eating smaller portions and ingesting less sugar is working thus far. I wonder what will happen when something truly big comes along and I can't adequately cope. Will I
return to my favorite past time-overeating--to combat the feelings and emotions I refuse to recognize and acknowledge? Only time can tell. I am trying to learn to not change the rules and guidelines to fit my own purpose. I continue to learn.....